When I get Where I'm Goin'
by LivForever
Summary: Christmas is a time for miracles. SVU is a place for heartache. Florida is a place to escape.
1. Chapter 1

** Christmas is a time for miracles. SVU is a place for heartache. Florida is a place to make an escape.**

All alone. Something she was used to. That didn't make it any easier though. She sighed to herself as she sat down at her desk and pulled out a file in a manilla folder. Everyone else was gathered together talking about their evening plans. She didn't bother to listen in. She knew they all had family. They all had someone. Except her. She didn't have anybody else. Nobody to give her a present. Nobody to give her a card. She was lucky she even got a Merry Christmas.

As the day winded down into the evening and the snow glowed in the moonlight, everybody beginning home.

"What are you doing tonight, Liv?" the question came from Rollins. Someone who knew very little about her. Rollins probably thought Olivia had a family. Boy was she wrong.

"Nothing," Olivia said sadly, "I'm going home and going to bed."

"You're not going to your family's house?"

Olivia frowned, on the verge of tears. She didn't want to talk about it. "Don't have any."

Rollins left the conversation at that.

As Olivia walked through the snow the ground crunched beneath her taking her focus. It was freezing and yet Olivia felt ten times that cold. She knew she was going home to nothing. She knew.

As she arrived at the familiarity that was her apartment she sighed. It wasn't ever going to get easier. She fumbled with the keys in her hands as she shuffled to unlock the door. She didn't want to have to deal with anymore of the "cheer" that was going on outside/ The lights were giving her a headache and the carolers were making it worse. She walked inside and shut the door behind her, locking it tight. She took off her layers of warm clothes and sat down on the couch with a blanket. She didn't even bother turning on the lights. She just didn't care. She looked around at her apartment and wished that she could have someone to share it with. Someone to put a Christmas tree and decorate it too. She pulled the cover up under her chest and closed her eyes only to be startled by her doorbell ringing.

"Damn carolers," she mumbled under her breath. She went to open the door and surprisingly it wasn't any singers. It was Elliot. He didn't say anything, only handed her a card. She opened it up and read it to herself.

"Merry Christmas, Liv." He said it out loud after she read it.

Tears were on the verge of falling from her eyes and she couldn't let him see her cry. She sprung forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Elliot," she said quietly, "Where have you been?!"

He bowed his head and swiped his foot across the floor in front of him. He had thought about what to say when he finally worked up the courage to knock on her door.

"I've been getting ready..." he mumbled.

"Come in," Olivia said opening the door farther.

He walked in but didn't sit down. He needed to stand as far away from Olivia as possible, just in case she decided to hit him.

"I bought a house... in Florida."

"Florida?" Olivia gasped, "Are you serious?" She could feel the anger rising in her. If he had been in Florida all this time, why couldn't he just tell her?"

He nodded, "I bought a house. A big house."  
"That's great," Olivia scoffed, plopping down on the couch and pulling the duvet down over her.

"I'm glad you were able to get away. Start living your life."

"Liv..." he said stuffing his hands into his gray jacket pocket, "I got you a present."

She looked up at him with her wondering eyes. She wasn't sure how she felt. She was overcome with emotion when she had found him standing on the other side of her door. She wanted to jump into his arms and never let go. She knew she had to stand her ground though. She wasn't going to let him of the hook that easily.

"What is it?" she asked with a small smile forming on her face.

"A house," he said honestly, "A house in Florida. I want you to move in with me."

Olivia felt her heart stop. She felt like this was all a dream. Some sick, twisted, demented dream. "El...this... that's crazy. You can't just come back here after all of this time and expect everything to be okay! It's not! It's not okay!" She was on a roll now and she wasn't going to stop. She tossed the blanket off of her and it fell to the floor as she angrily charged towards Elliot. "You left! Without a damn word! You just left! Did you think about anyone besides you? Did you think about me? Did you? Did you think about how I would feel?! Screw you, Elliot!"

"Olivia," he said keeping his voice level, "I'm sorry. I needed time to think... to get my priorities straight."

"Your priorities," she laughed, "Your priorities."

"Olivia," he said again taking a step closer to her.

"What?!"

Just then he extended his arm and placed it around her back, pulling her into his chest. He planted his lips against hers. Feeling the soft sweetness that rested on them. It's how he always pictured that she would taste.

"Merry Christmas," he said pulling away slowly.

Standing there, in that moment, she didn't feel alone anymore. Looking into his eyes and feeling the warmth of his touch, she felt like she had it all. It was almost as if she was standing on the top of the world and nobody could knock her down. She knew it wasn't true though. She knew it was only for a moment. When he would pull away, it would all be over. She would wake up.

"I can't," she said quietly hanging her head and letting go of him, "I can't... Elliot... I can't."

"Can't what?"

"I can't do this... I can't just drop everything here and leave without telling my family goodbye. I wouldn't do that to them."

Elliot sighed, "I don't expect you to. You are a lot smarter than I am... You always have been. I'll stay until you're ready to go back with me. I'll stay forever if I have to. But Liv... I'm not leaving without you. Not this time. I wouldn't make it."

Merry Christmas. Some Christmas she thought. This was everything she had wished for that year. Everything she had ever wanted had showed up outside her door. The only thing she asked for for the past fourteen years was finally hers. For now...


	2. Chapter 2

**Anonymous – "You are perfect to me."**

It was now a little passed nine and Olivia's apartment was completely dark. There were no lights turned on for the simple fact that she had been in bed and she didn't have any decorations for Christmas. She stood there, breathing heavily and staring at his outlined figure.

"Are you going to say something?" Elliot asked breaking the silence, "Or are we just going to sit here like this for the rest of the night?"

Olivia sighed but didn't say anything. She couldn't think of anything to say. Everything that she was thinking about was inappropriate and didn't fit the occasion.

"Come on, Liv," he said shifting his position on the couch, "Talk to me."

"I didn't put up a tree," she said after some thinking, "I didn't put up a tree this year because you weren't here."

"What are you talking about?"

"Every year since I have worked at SVU you have begged me to put up a tree. You told me it would make me feel better. So every year, I hauled myself down to the boys scouts and bought a tree. I went through the hassle of cleaning up pine needles out of my carpet every year. All because I wanted to make you happy... I wanted to please you."

"It didn't make you happy having a tree around? Having something to look at and help you get in the Christmas spirit?"

She sighed, "It did."

"So... what's the problem?"

"The problem is that I didn't do it this year. I didn't have a Christmas this year because you weren't here, Elliot!"

Now it was his turn to sigh. He had already blamed his self for so long and now she was blaming him too. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "But you have to understand something, Olivia. I left because I had to. Not because I wanted to."

"Really?" she asked, "Why was it so important to leave without at least telling me? What was so important that you couldn't even shoot me a text?"

"I loved you..." he said in a near whisper, "I loved you and I knew it was wrong. I was married. I know you don't understand that because you don't believe in the same thing I do but... I couldn't just leave my wife. Or my kids. And I shot that girl. I shot her and she was somebody's daughter. Somebody's family. I needed to get away."

She had heard it a million times from the people around her at work. He left because he had to. He left because he needed a break. He deserved it. He left because he killed Jenna. Jenna was his daughter's age. He needed to be with family. Well she was sick of hearing it. She was his family. They had been together for twelve years, side by side, day and night. It wasn't something you just threw away. It wasn't the fact that he left... she knew he deserved it. He deserved it and then some. It was the fact that he didn't bother to tell her. Didn't bother to associate with her at all.

"How are the kids?" she asked changing the subject to something she knew would make him smile.

"They're great," he said with the corners of his mouth turning up, "Kathleen just graduated college in the fall."

"That's great," Olivia smiled, "That's really great."  
Elliot nodded, "Yeah. Kathy moved to California when we got a divorce to help take care of her mother. She's fallen ill."

"Oh," Olivia said losing the smile. She didn't really know what else to say about that.

It was quiet for several minutes after that. Olivia didn't know what to say and Elliot was too lost in his jumble of thoughts. The quiet made Olivia's ears ring and it got any worse Elliot started talking again.

"What if we got a tree?" he asked out of nowhere, "I bet we could find one. What do you say?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow and gave him a questioning look, though he couldn't see it in the dark. "Are you joking?"

"I'm serious," he answered, "Come on. This place could use a little Christmas spirit. We all could."

"Elliot, it's nine at night on Christmas day. What's the point of putting up a tree now?"

Elliot stood off the couch and reached for Olivia's hand which she gladly accepted. He pulled her to the coat closet and opened it up to hand her her jacket. "The point is that I want to."

While she was busy putting her coat on Elliot went into her bedroom and retrieved her snow boots and her hat and scarf from off the bedroom floor. He knew that's where they would be. He brought them back to her and placed the scarf around her neck and the hat over her head and covering her ears. "It's cold out there," he smiled when he saw the look she was giving him.

"My arms aren't broken," she said defensively.

"I know," he replied as he opened the door.

Olivia stood there for a moment, contemplating whether or not she should go. She was still beyond mad at Elliot. She was also beyond loving him. She didn't know what to do. If she said the wrong thing now... it might be over for good.

"Are you coming or not?" he asked from the hallway.

She gave him a small smile, "I'm coming."

Suddenly she realized that this is the life she dreamed of. She dreamed of Elliot showing up at her door on Christmas night, surprising her. She dreamed of putting up a tree with the one she loved. She realized that it was all just a dream and nothing more. She sat straight up in bed and wiped the wetness from her eyes. It seemed like something so much more. She felt as if Elliot had actually been there... it was stupid. She should have known better than to believe that. She sighed and pulled the covers back over her, wishing she could fall back into dreamland and never wake up from it.

"Merry Christmas," Elliot said to Kathy as he kissed her on the cheek and handed her a box that was wrapped in shiny green wrapping paper.

She gave him a small smile and took the box from him, settling down on the couch and crossing her legs. "What's this?"

"Your gift," he answered, "Open it."

She reached for the red bow that was on top but stopped midway. This wasn't right. Neither one of them were happy and she didn't want to be the bad guy. She didn't want to be the one who made both of their lives miserable.

"Elliot," she said sitting the unopened box on the table, "We can't keep pretending like everything is okay... We are both miserable here. We can't keep living like this."

He sighed and rubbed his chin which now contained a small beard. He hadn't shaved in almost three weeks. "I'm not doing this to our children," he said quietly, "Not today. Not on Christmas. What kind of parents would we be?"

Kathy shrugged and turned her attention back to the box, "This wasn't meant for me."

"What are you talking about?"

"This has been in the closet for almost three years now. Three years ago it had Olivia's name on it. This isn't for me."

He sighed again. He didn't think she would notice it under all of the old shoes that were thrown into that closet. He had bought the present for Olivia one night when he was out and about and he saw it in a store window. He just couldn't pass it up. It was the perfect gift for her.

"We don't have to tell them today," Kathy said keeping her voice level down, "We can tell them tomorrow."

Elliot nodded, tears in his eyes. He loved Kathy but, it wasn't the same kind of love it used to be. He loved her more along the sides of a best friend. Someone he could tell things to. But walking around and pretending they were still in love was a lie. It just wasn't there. "I'm sorry," he whispered, gazing into her eyes.

"I know," she said sadly, "Me too."


	3. Chapter 3

As Christmas drifted off into the late night and all the children were in their bed, Olivia lay awake in hers. She couldn't fall back to sleep after having that dream no matter how hard she tried. She figured she might as well get up and head into the precinct. She could catch up on her paperwork and nobody would have to know she was there. She climbed out of bed and changed back into her day clothes before going into the kitchen and popping a mug of coffee into the microwave.

She did her normal morning routine and then headed out the door into the frosty air. She hailed a cab and continued her way to the precinct.

When she arrived she paid the cab driver and went into the dimly lit building. Nobody would be inside and she knew it. Everybody was at home with their loved ones. Even Cragen had someone to spend the holidays with this year. She shivered as she made her way to her desk and sat her things down, turning the small lamp on that rested in the corner. She reached into her bottom desk drawer and pulled out the file she had been working on earlier that day. When she heard a faint rustling sound coming from the hallway she looked up. She drew her gun off the corner of her hip, preparing herself for who would be coming in this late. She stood up slowly from her chair and made her way to entrance.

"Liv?"

Olivia blinked, holding the gun in place out in front of her. She couldn't possibly dreaming again.

"Elliot?"

Elliot nodded, walking closer to her and pushing her arms down so the gun wasn't pointed at him.

"It's just me," he said, "What are you doing here?"

Olivia didn't say anything. Did he really have the nerve to ask her what she was doing here? This was her work. This is the place she always was. The place she would never give up on.

"What am I doing here? What the hell are you doing here, Elliot?"

"I uh, I was hoping to see you," he said honestly.

Olivia rolled her eyes and put her gun back in her holster. She wasn't in the mood to play games. She was tired and all she wanted was for Christmas to be over.

"You could have called me, texted me, emailed me, sent me a damn letter! But, you decided to just show up at the precinct on Christmas night expecting me to be here? Like I haven't found a guy and didn't have plans?"

"That's not what I meant," Elliot said quickly, "I just..."

"You just what?" Olivia said in a whisper, "You wanted to finally say goodbye?"

Elliot caught her gaze and was careful to keep it that way. He was lost in his train of thought as he bore deep into the delicate brown color. "I wanted to apologize... for not saying goodbye."

"I actually have plans," Olivia lied, "I was just finishing up some paperwork. I'm on my way home right now."

"You just got here," he said a little hurt, "I saw you."

"What are you stalking me now?"

Elliot shook his head, "You haven't changed a bit."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

Silence. Everything around them was silent. Neither one of them heard the traffic going by or soft buzzing from the heater. They didn't hear a thing as they stood just centimeters away from each other.

"It means I still love you."

"I have to go," she said stepping away from him, "I uh- I have plans. At home. So... I'm sorry. It's too late." She walked back to her desk and quickly grabbed her things and rushed toward the elevator.

"So let me come with," Elliot said chasing after her, "Olivia please. I'm trying here. I know I screwed up. I screwed up big time. I realize that now... I came back to apologize and I know it's going to take awhile for you to forgive me. I know that. I was hoping that... that you would go on a vacation with me. To Florida... while you think about forgiving me..."

She felt her heart stop. Was he serious? Was this some kind of a sick joke? She knew she wasn't dreaming... It wasn't possible.

"Elliot... Elliot... you son of bitch."

He was taken back. He thought she would agree to go. "If you didn't want to go that's all you had to say," he said before turning around on his heels and taking off in front of Olivia to the elevator.

"Yes!" she hollered just before he stepped into the elevator. "Yes. I'll go."

Elliot smiled, "This Saturday."

"That doesn't mean I'm not still pissed," she said remaining serious, "It just means you have a lot of making up to do."

This was the Olivia he knew. This was the Olivia he wanted to get back and he couldn't wait for that to happen. He could feel his heart beginning to speed up as he watched Olivia get into the elevator and press the buttons.

"Call me," he said before the doors closed, "I'll answer. I promise."

Now Elliot was standing alone in the precinct. Alone in the dark with only a small light cascading from the lamp Olivia left on at her desk. He smiled to himself. This was definitely beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

"That was a hell of a comeback," Captain Cragen said stepping out of his office, causing Elliot to jump a little.

"I uh-Captain... I thought we were alone."

He shook his head but kept the smile on his face, "I saw the whole thing. You're lucky she didn't kick your ass before you had the chance to talk."

Elliot chuckled, "Things haven't changed one bit around here."

Cragen sighed as he gave Elliot a casual hug, "They have. You just haven't realized that yet."

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

Cragen nodded, "It's about damn time."

After Elliot turned his papers in he had remained in touch with Cragen. He didn't want to drop his old life completely but, he knew not talking to Olivia was for the better. Or so he thought at the time. He would call Cragen every week and ask about her and ask how she was doing. He would ask if she had a new boyfriend or if she had any injuries sustained at work. He never stopped caring. That's also how he knew that Olivia didn't have any plans that night...

"Thanks Captain," Elliot said and truly meant, "Thank you for helping me get her back."

"You don't have her back yet," Cragen said wiping the smile off his face, "Like she said 'you have a lot of making up to do.'"

Elliot nodded and gave Cragen a casual hug once more. He was ready for the challenge, no matter how hard it was. He was ready to win her over once and for all. This was just the beginning and so far, he was doing well.


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia went back to her apartment where she was greeted by a card tucked halfway under the crack of her door. She reached down to pick it up and saw that it was from Simon. She riped the top of the envelope and turned the card over so she was staring down at a picture of Simon, his girlfriend, and her niece Olivia. The card said:

_Merry Christmas, Olivia. I hope you have a great one. _

_ Love, Simon._

Even though the card was simple, it made Olivia smile. She was very thankful that Simon had thought about her this Christmas. The three of them seemed very happy together on the front of the card and that made Olivia happy. She continued her way into her apartment and placed it on top of the television so she could see it everyday.

She flipped the living room light on and changed into her pajamas for the second time that night. She still felt like she was dreaming. She didn't feel like talking to Elliot at the precinct was real. Somehow though it made her feel like somebody was listening to her. Somebody was finally giving her a spark of hope for her happy ending.

She had just sat down on her couch and flipped the TV on when her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. She reached to answer it and got it just in time.

"Benson."

"Hey," Elliot said on the other line, "I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to bail on me. You're going to come to Florida with me? Right?"

Olivia smiled from ear to ear. "Yes."

"Okay," he said and Olivia could tell that he was smiling too, "I'll see later."

"Bye, El."

"Bye, Liv."

She hung up the phone but didn't lose her smile. It was just like Elliot to call her when she had just left his presence. It was just like old times. She felt like there was still good times to be left between the two of them and she was really excited to go to Florida for vacation. She figured she would have a hard time leaving work but, she knew the captain loved her and she had a lot of vacation days saved up.

**Friday**

Cragen was sitting in his office chair just waiting for Olivia to come in and ask him for the next week off. This was her last chance to ask because tomorrow was Saturday and then it would be too late. He wondered if she was going to back out. He cleared his throat and stood up from his desk, making an appearance in the squad room and motioning for her to come here.

"Yes, Captain?"

He scratched his eye, thinking of how he was going to do this without letting her know that he knew everything.

"Uh- you have some vacation time saved up. Why don't you take the next few days off?"

Olivia shut the door behind her and stepped into the office further, biting her bottom lip as she did.

"You been talking to Elliot?"

Damn. He was caught. He should have known though, she was one of his best detectives. "Possibly..."

She sighed, "I just don't know. I mean... what about Kathy? And the kids? What will they think of me? I don't even know if he's divorced yet..."

"It's processing," Cragen answered a little too quickly, "And his kids are all grown and away at college."

"Do you think I should go?"

"I think you should have went six years ago," he mumbled.

She smiled at him and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "What if something happens and things don't work out? I'll be losing my best friend..." She looked down to the floor as she thought about the only reason that was keeping her from going.

"What if you go and it does work out, Liv?"

She sighed. He was right. She would never know unless she took the chance. It something he had said to her once before about a case. It was one of the tougher ones she had worked at SVU and she sought out advice from him late one night while trying to identify a perp. "You won't know unless you take the chance," he said to her after she had almost given up.

"Since I'm almost positive you're going to call him as soon as I leave the room," Olivia began, "Tell him he's picking me up at my house. Four in the morning. Don't be late."

Cragen smiled as Olivia stood up and made her way back to her desk to gather her things and get ready to head home. When his office door was shut Cragen picked up his phone and dialed Elliot's number, telling him the good news.

"Sorry, Sweetie," Olivia said bumping into a young boy who had just walked into the squad room. His clothes were torn and dirty and his weight couldn't have been more than 80 pounds.

"Are you alright?" she asked him.

The young boy, possibly eleven or twelve, looked up at her with his scared brown eyes.

"Come over here," Olivia said directing him to a chair next to her desk, "Take a seat." She sat down in her chair as the boy sat down in his and folded his hands in his lap.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Josh."

"Okay, Josh," Olivia said, "Can you tell me why you're here?"

Josh shook his head no and looked down at his bare feet. Olivia wondered where his shoes were.

"Did somebody hurt you?" she asked gently.

Josh shook his head no, "My brother. He just turned seven last week."

Olivia gave him a sad smile, "What's your brother's name?"

"Tyler. His name is Tyler."

Olivia nodded, "Did somebody hurt Tyler?"

Josh nodded, "They were going to hurt me too but, I ran away. I tried to carry my brother with me but, I couldn't life him. So I told him I would get help."

Olivia rubbed her brow and took a deep breath. If she was going to leave tomorrow there was no way she could work this case. There was also no way she could just walk away.

"Can you tell me who you live with?"

Josh shook his head no. "The man goes by Jeff and the woman is always called Honey."

"Do you you where Jeff and Honey live?"

Josh nodded, "In the woods. I ran a long time."

Olivia sighed again and gently patted Josh on the back. "You did the right thing," she said to him. "My co-workers and I are going to do everything we can to find your brother, okay?"

"And my Mom."

Olivia was taken back. "Your Mom?"

"They took my mom too." Josh's eyes filled with tears as he thought about the horrible things he had seen done to his mother. The horrible things he had heard and the terrible, downright disgusting, words he had heard.

"Sweetie, can you tell me how old you are?"

"Eleven," he whispered, "I'm eleven."

**Uh-oh! What now?!**


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia stood in Cragen's office, thinking of what she was going to do. She couldn't just walk away from this case. It was against everything she believed in. It wasn't in her nature. This little boy needed her and there was no way she could just walk away.

"Liv," Cragen said pulling her out of her thoughts, "Rollins and Amaro can handle the case."

She shook her head, "That little boy," she said pointing through the window at Josh, "Trusts me. He isn't going to want to tell his story over and over again. I can't... Captain, I can't. I can't just go and leave him now."

"We can handle this, Olivia. You aren't the only detective here."

She sighed, fighting her tears. She would never understand how Elliot could just walk away from the job. SVU was too important to her. It was why she didn't have a life outside of work. She was dedicated and devoted to helping victims.

"I feel like I'm having a panic attack," she said taking a deep breath.

Cragen grew concerned as he watched Olivia's chest rise and fall with every deep breath she took. "Just breathe," he said, "Relax. Just take a minute and clear your head," he coached.

"Do you know why I lasted at this job so long?" she asked when she had gotten control of her breathing. Her tears were spilling now and she couldn't stop them. "I lasted so long because Elliot was my partner. Whenever there was a tough case and I wasn't dealing with it well... he helped me. He isn't here anymore and... and I don't know how much longer I can stay here." Her voice cracked as she realized what she was saying. She was giving up... just like that.

"That's not the reason," Cragen whispered handing her a tissue, "You made it here so long because of you. Not because of Elliot. Because of you. I know what you're thinking right now... You're thinking that you're giving up. But Liv, you aren't. You deserve a break. Think of all the people you have helped so far at your time here. All the lives you have saved. You deserve a break. You aren't giving up."

Olivia sniffed and took a moment to wipe her eyes. She was taking into consideration what her captain was telling her. Sure she would come back when the vacation was over... Amaro, Rollins, and Fin could handle the case. They were all good detectives.

She sighed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "Keep me updated."

Cragen smiled, "I will. Now go home and pack."

She stood up and made her way to the door but before that she gave Cragen a hug. "Thank you," she whispered.

"This is my partner," Olivia said referring to Nick Amaro who was standing next to her and Josh, "He's going to be the boss on finding your mom and brother, okay? He's very good at what he does."

"Do you like race cars?" Josh asked.

"I love race cars," Amaro answered, "What do you say we go get a drink and we can talk about it?"

"Okay," Josh said with the first sight of a smile on his face.

Olivia watched as Nick led Josh to the kitchen area. It was harder than she thought just handing off the case like that. She was counting on her teaching skills now more than ever that Amaro knew what he was doing.

"They can handle the case," Elliot said from Olivia's bed as he watched her gather some clothes from her closet.

"That's besides the point," she said tossing a few shirts into her suitcase.

"Then what is?"

She sighed and slammed the lid closed on top of her clothes, "The point is, is that I can't just walk away like you! It isn't that easy for me!"

Elliot felt like he was just hit in the stomach. "You think it was easy for me?"

Olivia scoffed, "Apparently it wasn't too hard. You left without a word."

"I killed someone," he said in a hurt voice, "It was time for me to go. SVU doesn't need me anymore."

"I needed you!" she shouted, regretting it the second after it slipped out.

Elliot stood up and walked closer to her, taking her into his arms. She sobbed into his shoulder as she recalled the day. The day that changed everything. They day neither of them would forget.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her ear.

"I'm sorry too," she said back, "I'm so sorry."

The time was pushing midnight and they had three more hours before they had to get up and head to the airport. The problem was that neither of them could sleep. They were both lying in the bed as far away from each other as possible. Their backs were turned to each other and neither of them spoke.

"This is ridiculous," Elliot finally said as he rolled over, "We are in the same bed. We might as well cuddle up."

Olivia turned her over too, giving him her are-you-kidding-me look. "You're still married," she said to him.

"I signed the papers," he told her, "She signed the papers. All that's left is for them to process it."

Olivia sighed. She didn't know if she was ready to take it that far yet. She didn't want him to think that he won. "Okay," she said reluctantly, "But it doesn't go any further than that!"

"Okay," he said smiling as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer.

"This is nice," she said quietly as she closed her eyes for the first time that night, "This is real nice."

"Mm-hm," he mumbled.

She looked up at him as best she could from how he was holding her and laughed to herself when she saw that he was asleep. It only took him a few seconds after she had agreed to cuddle with him before he was out like a light.


	6. Chapter 6

**Svufanatic - You're leaving rude comments on a story that's on fanfiction yet, you're telling me to grow up? Does downgrading other people make you feel better? Does it make you a better person? No, I didn't think so. I can write about what ever I want and if you don't like it don't read it. I really wish people like you who always downgrade others would grow up. **

They had both awakened around the same time and managed to get to the airport and get their luggage processed just in time to board their plane. They went through all the hassles of traveling and almost missed their flight.

"I hate planes," Olivia sighed as she plopped down into her seat.

"Why?"

She shrugged, "They just make me uneasy. I don't know."

"Well we are going to be on here for awhile... why don't you take a nap?"

"I wish I could," she said rubbing her temple, "I have a terrible headache."

"Here," he said pulling out a pillow from their bag and handing it to her, "Try to get comfortable."

She graciously took the pillow and fidgeted around in her seat until she was comfortable enough to stand sleep. She closed her eyes as Elliot messed with her hair and sleep was able to overtake her body.

When the plane finally took off the ground, Elliot looked to Olivia and he couldn't have had more thoughts running through his head. He was so thankful that she agreed to come to Florida with him. This was his chance to show her how sorry he was and show her how much he cared. It was his chance to win her over once and for all. He was also scared though. Scared that he might lose her. He was scared that he would mess up and he would never have the chance again. He needed this trip to be perfect. He needed her to see that he would do anything for her. Anything to gain her love.

"You may now take off your seat belts," a voice rang over the intercom.

Elliot reached for his buckle to take it off but with the position Olivia was laying, it would wake her up. He liked that she was laying against him and he didn't want that to change anytime soon so, he just left the buckle on. If the plane were to hit an unexpected turbulence, he would be safe.

"Liv," he whispered, shaking her gently, "We're here."

"Mmm," she mumbled before opening her eyes, "Five more minutes."

Elliot chuckled, "Liv, come on. We're here. In Florida."

Olivia's eyes flew open at that because for a moment she forgot where she was. Now as her senses came together she remembered that her and Elliot had been on a plane heading to the sandy beaches. "That was quick."

"Not really," Elliot said, "But you did sleep the whole way." He stood up and lifted the compartment above their seats that held their carry on bag and pulled it down to strap over his shoulder. He carried the bag as they made their way off the plane and into the airport where the rest of their luggage was waiting.

"I bet it's so much warmer here," Olivia said as she grabbed her last suitcase, "We are going to go to the beach while we're here, right?"

Elliot looked to her and smiled, "We can go to the beach everyday if that's what you want."

She smiled back at him as they opened the doors to the Florida air. The sun immediately hit their bodies and filled them with the warmth from its rays. The sky was a perfect blue with not a cloud in sight. The traffic in the streets wasn't near to what it was in New York and for a moment, just for a moment, Olivia forgot every care in the world. She loved feeling the sun on her face and her wind blowing in the gentle breeze.

"What hotel are we at?" Olivia asked as they stopped at a nearby bench.

"We aren't at a hotel," Elliot answered, "We are at a house." He took off walking again but Olivia just stood there. Unable to move a muscle.

"A house?" she asked with wide eyes, "You rented a house? We're only going to be here for a week, El."

"I didn't rent it," he explained, "I sort of... live in it."

She didn't think she heard him right. This couldn't possibly be like her dream. There was no way he could just move to Florida from New York. It was too big of a change for anybody, especially someone who had lived in New York their whole life.

"You live here?" she asked catching up to him.

He nodded, "I needed a change. A different pace. It's nice down here. I think you'll like it."

"You, live here?" she asked again.

"Yep," he said, "I don't stay here often... Just on the weekends."

"Kathy was okay with this?"

"Of course not," he replied, "She just... she knew it was over too. There just wasn't anything left."

Olivia frowned. She hated that Kathy and Elliot got a divorce because she blamed herself. If she wouldn't have been in the picture maybe things would have turned out different between them. Maybe they could have worked things out and had a long successful marriage together.

As they walked a little further away from the airport they came to a house just a few feet onto the coast. It was a beach house that was painted in a pale blue color with a white privacy fence surrounding it. There was a deck on the top floor and that was just what Olivia could see from the outside.

"El," she said breathlessly, "Please don't tell me-"

"That's my house," he said pointing to it.

"El..."

"Come on," he said grabbing her hand.

He took her up the twisty steps to the front door where he juggled with his keys to open it. Once they were inside Olivia was finally able to see the extent of the building. The walls were a clean white with a few pictures of his kids hanging here and there. There was a nice beige couch and a loveseat to match filling up the living room a long with a flat screen television and a coffee table. The kitchen was connected to the living room and was only separated by the bar table. The kitchen was a fairly good size and even though Olivia didn't cook, she could admire it. There were two bedrooms in the back, one that was painted in delicate yellow and one that was painted in a delicate blue. Olivia assumed the blue room was Elliot's because the bed was bigger than the one in the other room.

"This is a real nice place here, El," she said placing her bag into the room with the yellow walls, "I'm guessing this is where I'll be staying?"

He nodded even though he wished she would just stay in his room. They both knew they loved each other so what did it matter now? Olivia dropped her bags onto her bed and then followed Elliot back into the front area where they sat down at the bar together.

"I can't get over how bright this place is," Olivia said accepting a wine cooler from Elliot, "It's just so... not New York."

Elliot smiled and popped the top of his drink, "Yeah. It's a beach house. What did you expect?"

"I don't know," she shrugged taking a sip, "I guess I just thought..."

"What?" he asked when she didn't go on.

"I just thought that... I was worried about you. I was worried that you weren't doing okay and here you are... with your house on the beach. You're doing just fine."

He sighed. He wished he could rewind time. If he could he would go back to the day it all happened. He would change everything. He would have only shot Jenna to injure her and not kill her. He wouldn't have left SVU. If he did that then everybody's life would be different right now.

"If it's any consolation..." he began, "I worried about you too. Everyday... Even if I didn't call, Liv. I never stopped thinking about you."

She let a little puff of air out of her mouth and continued drinking her fruity drink. She didn't want to fight and she didn't want to think about the past. This was the now and this was their time to spend together and she wanted to make it a trip worth their while.

"Let's just let it go, okay?"she asked, "I don't want to fight. I want to have fun. So, what do you say we head to the beach?"

"Sounds like a plan," he said finishing the last drop of his drink, "After that I have a little something special planned."

"What are you up to Stabler?" she asked squinting an eye in the question manor.

"You'll see," he said leaving the bar table and heading to his room to change into his swim shorts and a t-shirt. He started sweating a little as he thought about Olivia wearing a bikini. He had to shake the thoughts out of his head and tell himself that his dream was about to become his reality the sooner he got dressed and got out there.


	7. Chapter 7

"It feels so great out here," Olivia said as she held her arms out to get a better feel of the sun's warm rays. There was a slight breeze blowing causing the ever blue water to gently glide along onto the sands of the shore.

"Are you actually going to get in the water or are you one of those people who just lay in the sand and let the sun burn their skin until it's all leathery?" Elliot asked. He was walking side by side with Olivia just waiting for the moment when she took her cover up off. She was wearing an aqua colored dress that was very thin in fabric and lightly outline the purple bikini that she was wearing underneath.

"Very funny," she said laughing sarcastically. "Actually, I love the water."

She loves the water... Elliot was losing it. "Let's go then!" He took off darting toward the cool water and Olivia just laughed. She was not about to run into the water like a little kid. She walked slowly and just shook her head at Elliot after he had dived right in and came up spitting water out of his mouth.

"That's attractive," she laughed walking into the water just far enough to where the water flooded to her ankles.

"You know it is," he said smiling at her, "Come on, get in."

Olivia stepped further into the water making sure she stayed a good amount of distance away from Elliot because she wasn't ready to be pulled under yet. She needed to get used to the water temperature. "Please don't pull me under," she begged him as he moved closer to her.

"I won't," he said with a sneaky grin on his face. He reached out and put his hands on her waist where he pulled her out further into the ocean.

"I'm not ready to get my hair wet yet," she said to him.

"Too late," he said pinching her nose closed and dunking her under the water only to bring her back up swiftly.

"Damn it, Elliot!" she laughed when she was back above water, "I wasn't ready!"

"You're fine," he said giving her a smirk. "Why are you wearing that cover up for? Your body is amazing."

She shot him a glare, not in the mood to show her affection to him in the middle of everybody at the beach. It wasn't something she appreciated. "I'm old and wrinkly," she whispered to him as she stood only inches away from his bare chest.

"Liv," he said leaning in closer, "Your body is... hot."

"Not here," she said shaking her head, "I don't do PDA."

"You do now," he whispered as he closed the gap between them and crashed his lips onto hers.

As much as she hated public displays of affection, she didn't pull away. He was irresistible to her. Suddenly everything around her disappeared. It was only the two of them on the beach with only the sounds of the water sloshing around them.

When Elliot pulled away, suddenly everybody around them came flooding back into her conscious view. She stared into his eyes that were just as blue as the water as her heart calmed itself down from nearly beating out of her chest.

"You can think of that as an early birthday present!" she said and then dived off under the water and swam away before he could say anything in remarks to that. He took off swimming after her.

"Hey, you're a pretty good swimmer," Elliot commented after they got out of the water.

"I ought to be," she said using her hands to slick her wet hair back behind her ears. "When I was five my mom got mad at me and pushed me into the swimming pool. I had to learn to swim in order to get out."

Elliot sighed. He couldn't believe that Olivia, a great person inside and out, came from someone like Serena. Sometimes it just didn't add up.

"Swimming works up an appetite," he said grabbing his blue beach towel and drying off, "Want to head to the crab shack?"

"Do I look like the type of person who eats crab to you, Stabler?"

Elliot cleared his throat and placed his hand on the back of his neck trying to think of an answer to that question. "Uh… I didn't know there was a certain type of person to eat crab… it was just a suggestion. We can go somewhere else if you'd like."

Olivia cackled as she slipped a pair of jean shorts on over her bikini bottom and a t-shirt over top. Elliot caught a glimpse of her very toned body and almost let himself go. He had to remind himself that he was on a beach and there were millions of people around watching them.

"I like crab," she said, "I was just teasing. Lighten up."

"Right," he mumbled, "Lighten up."

The crab shack was only a few yards away so they walked down the board walk together as the sun's rays beamed down on top of them. Elliot wanted so desperately to reach out and capture Olivia's hand in hers but, he wasn't sure if that was okay. He didn't want her getting angry if he was going too fast. He took a deep breath and reached his hand over anyways, clasping hers inside.

"What are you doing?" she asked subtly, not pulling her hand away.

"Holding your hand," he answered simply, "That's what couples do... they hold hands."

Olivia smiled. "Okay."

"Okay."


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the long delay. Here's another chapter and I hope you enjoy!**

"Lunch was good," Olivia smiled as she rested on her back on the couch. Elliot was sitting on the other end with Olivia's feet resting in his lap as he massaged them.

"I thought so too," Elliot said, "They have good food."

"You would know," Olivia said sarcastically, "You've been living here."

"Liv," he sighed, "I needed to get away..."

"I know, I know," she said quietly, "I just wish you would have told me... I could have came too."

Elliot stopped rubbing her feet at that and looked at her so he could read her face. He wasn't sure if she was joking or not.

"You saw the brochures on my counter the day you came to my house when I was sick," Olivia went on to say, "You knew I wanted to get away. El, I really needed a break. Work was tearing me down... I thought you of all people could see that."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I guess I wasn't thinking."

"You weren't," she spat, "You weren't thinking at all." She swung her feet over so she was now sitting up and she marched her way into her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her.

"Damn it." Elliot got up to check on her but stopped just outside the door. He heard her sobbing and suddenly he felt ten times worse than he did. "Liv," he said knocking lightly, "Liv, I'm coming in."

Olivia didn't protest and when Elliot opened the door he felt his heart break into tiny pieces. Olivia was sitting on the bed with her knees pulled up into her chest and her face buried. Elliot could see her shaking so he sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her.

"Liv," he whispered, "I am really, truly sorry. I don't know what else to say..."

"Just get out," Olivia sobbed, "I just need a minute. I'll be fine. Just please... give me a minute."

"I'm not going anywhere Liv. Talk to me."

"Damn it, Elliot! You're so damn stubborn! Just leave me alone!"

"No," he argued, "I made that mistake once and I'm not doing it again. Look at me, Olivia."

Olivia looked up at him with her sad eyes but with an angry expression on her face. "What?"

"I love you."

"Stop," she interrupted, "Just stop."

"No," he argued some more, "I love you and I know you love me too. Now, I'm trying to make this work but it takes two people. I said I was sorry for leaving and I will say it to you everyday if it means that you will forgive me. Give me another chance. Nobody's perfect, Liv, and I never claimed to be. I want to be with you. Forever. So please... stop making it so damn hard to get close to you."

Olivia wiped a tear from her cheek just before it was about to fall. She listened to every word Elliot said and she knew that he meant it. She always knew. But right now she was mad at him and she didn't want to let him off the hook so easily.

"I... I need some fresh air." She got off the bed and brushed passed Elliot as she made her way to the balcony where the cool breeze made her summer dress fly up exposing her knees. The sun's golden rays were beating down on her and keeping her warm and as she looked out to the ae of the ocean she felt the waves wash over and wash everything away. She wished she could forgive Elliot but she just couldn't. She cried for days after he left because she thought he didn't care about her. After twelve years of friendship. She was depressed for several days after Cragen had finally told her that Elliot put his papers in and then when Elliot came back... she wished she could forgive him. Hopefully someday she could but, for right now, she wanted to be angry. It was easier than showing her real feelings.

"It's getting chilly out there," Elliot said leaning against the frame of the sliding glass door, "Will you come back in now? Please?"

She turned around and smiled at him. "Yes," she said, "But this doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you. Because I am."

"Of course!" he said holding his hands up in the air and sporting a smirk on his face.

"So am I!"

As it grew darker Olivia and Elliot winded down on a pile of pillows that were scattered out on the floor in front of the fireplace. The were sitting side by side with no space in between them. The heat from the flames kept both of them warm even though they were sharing a blanket. They didn't say anything. They were enjoying the peace together. Back when they both worked at the precinct all they needed was silence to know what the other was thinking. It was just like that... only Elliot didn't know what Olivia was thinking. She didn't seem mad at him anymore. At least not mad enough to hit him like she had in the past...

"What are you thinking about?" he asked turning his head to the side so he could see her.

She shrugged, "I'm thinking that I had a little too much wine with dinner," she giggled, "What are you thinking?"

Elliot smiled, "I'm thinking I had a little but too much too."

Olivia giggled again and rolled over so she was resting on top of Elliot's bare chest. She was looking into his eyes now and she could see the reflection from the flames sparking in them making them even more captivating.

"I'm not mad anymore," she whispered, "Not as much anyway."

"Good," he said, "I'm glad."

Olivia turned her head now so her cheek was lying on Elliot's chest and she could hear his heart beating at a steady rhythm. _Thump. Thump. Thump. _The sound of his beating heart along with the crackling of the fire was like music to her ears. It was a beautiful sound and Olivia didn't want it to go to waste. She turned her attention back to Elliot now and she couldn't resist. She let her lips crash onto his and act made her forget all of her troubles. All of the sounds floated away somewhere into the air and all that was on her mind was the taste of Elliot's delectable kiss.

"Liv," he whispered when she came up for air.

"Shut up," she said and kissed him again.

He wasn't going to argue. He loved her and her kisses were the gentlest he had ever had. She moved down and instead of kissing her lips she left little trails of kisses down his chest. "Come on," she said seductively, "You know you want to. You've wanted to for a long time."

"Liv," he said, "We can't..." Of course he wanted to! Olivia was driving him crazy and if she didn't stop soon she would know. He wouldn't be able to hide it anymore. This wasn't right though and he wanted Olivia to enjoy it, not do it because she was drunk.

"Come on Elliot," she whispered leading her trail of kisses even lower, "You know you want to."

"Liv, you're drunk," he said carefully pushing her off of him, "You'll regret it."

"El!" she said rolling off of him, "Why don't you want to have sex!"

"Do you hear yourself?" he asked, "The Olivia Benson I know would never say that. You're drunk and you need to rest. Hopefully you won't remember this tomorrow and that will work out best for the both of us." Before he even finished his sentence Olivia was passed out. He smiled when he saw her and reached for the blanket so he could pull it over top of her. He lay there just watching her sleep until the fire died down a little and then he closed his eyes too. He went to sleep happily knowing that Olivia was next to his side.


	9. Chapter 9

The salty air from the sea mixed with the smell of greasy bacon and filled Olivia's nostrils so much that she woke up. She stretched her arms up above her head and let out a big yawn before realizing she didn't remember falling asleep. She remembered having dinner with Elliot and drinking wine... lots of wine.

"Oh no," she sighed, she got drunk. That would explain the massive pounding she felt in her temples. She groaned and fell back onto the bed into the soft cotton of her pillow. She didn't want to get up. What if she did something inappropriate while under the influence? She couldn't face Elliot. Suddenly she heard footsteps creaking the wood floors in the hallway and she knew he was coming to see if she had waken yet. She closed her eyes and pretended as best she could. She heard the bedroom door creak open and she tried to keep her breathing even.

"Liv," Elliot whispered, "Rise and shine. I cooked breakfast."

She lay still and didn't say anything. She really didn't want to face him.

"Liv," Elliot said leaning his shoulder against the frame of the door, "I know you're not asleep so you might as well come out here and have breakfast with me. I even burnt my thumb trying to cook hash browns because I know they're your favorite."

The corners of Olivia's mouth turned upward as she smiled. "I'm still mad at you," she said opening her eyes and glaring at him.

"Whatever you say," Elliot smirked, turning around and disappearing down the hall.

"Crap," Olivia muttered throwing the comforter off of her. "Crap, crap, crap." She knew that she did something last night. Wine made her a little crazy and his smirk confirmed it for her.

"Your breakfast is getting cold!" Elliot hollered from the kitchen.

Olivia sighed and figured she might as well get up. He wasn't going to leave her alone until she did and she was kind of hungry. She slipped on her fuzzy house shoes before stepping onto the cold morning floor.

"I know I did something last night," she whispered as she took a seat next to him down at the breakfast bar in front of a plate. "Just tell me what happened."

"Nothing," he said with a shrug as he stuffed another bite of eggs into his mouth.

"You're lying," she said in an accusative tone, "And surprisingly you suck at it."

"Where have I heard that before?" he asked sitting his fork down, "Oh yeah, when you were accused of murder and I cleared your name. And posted your bond."

"Oh!" Olivia scoffed pushing her plate away from her, "Are you always going to throw that in my face?! I didn't ask for you to post my bail, Stabler! You did that all on your own! I would have been just fine in jail! At least I would have been used to not having you around!"

Elliot looked up at her and it was clear she had hurt him. He wasn't lashing back and Olivia didn't know what to think of that. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and watched as Elliot stood up and moved closer to her. She wasn't scared though. She watched as he moved inches away from her face and then...

"What the hell was that?!" she spat after Elliot had pulled away from their kiss.

"I...uh..."

"You what?" she asked crossing her arms defensively in front of her chest.

"You're pretty irresistible when you're angry."

"What did I do last night?" she asked, desperately wanting to know.

"You wanted to have sex," he answered honestly, "And I wasn't going to let that happen when you were drunk."

Olivia felt her cheeks flush red with embarrassment. "Oh gosh," she sighed, sitting back down in the chair. "El, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For... coming onto you like that... I can't believe I did that." She shook her head in disbelief. She would never do that if she was sober. Not until she was ready and she was sure Elliot was too.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he said avoiding eye contact and going back to eating his breakfast.

"It's such a nice day outside," Olivia said from where she was cuddled up on the couch, "I'd hate to waste it inside like this."

Elliot looked over at her and he knew that was her way of telling him she was bored. Usually she had work to keep her occupied but being Florida, there was no work. He imagined she didn't know what to do with her time.

"Well, we could go to the beach again. It doesn't seem to be too crowded down there. Or we could get in the hot tub."

"Hot tub?"

Elliot nodded, "I thought you saw it. It's on the lower patio."

Olivia got up and walked to the balcony so she could look down and see for herself that there was a small but lovely hot tub just sitting there. She had only been in a hot tub once and she loved it. "Well, what are we waiting for?" she asked walking back toward Elliot, "Let's get in!"

Elliot smiled and pulled his shirt off over his head, "Let's go."

Elliot had gotten the hot tub ready and warm while Olivia went to change into her bathing suit. It was a different one from last time. This time she didn't have a cover up on and she was wearing a bikini. It was a purple color and Elliot lost his breath at the sight.

"You look great..."

"Thanks," she smiled, her cheeks slightly blushing red. She stepped up the small step that was rested against the tub so people could climb in and then she pulled her legs over one at time until her lower body was submerged in the water. The temperature was perfect. "This is so great."

Elliot climbed in now too and with the width of the tub, they were pretty close to each other. Elliot couldn't help but watch Olivia's every move. She was so beautiful the way the sun radiated off of her perfect olive skin. The way her hair framed perfectly around her face and bounced off her shoulders. He couldn't wait until their secret love for one another became more real. He needed it. He just needed a way to make her see that.

"I had a dog once," Olivia said trying to break the silence. She leaned her back against one of the edges and rested her arms on the side of the tub. She wanted to work on getting her slightly faded tan back.

"You did?"

"Uh huh. After you left... my therapist said I should try getting a pet..."

"Therapist?"

Olivia sighed. She didn't mean to say that, it just sort of slipped out. "Yeah."

"Why were you seeing a therapist?"

She dipped her hand into the water and moved it around so she could focus on the ripples it created. "I just had a lot of emotions and I needed help with them..."

"Because I left?" he asked, feeling faulty.

She shrugged. Of course it was because he left. After she knew he turned in his papers she felt like she didn't want to work at SVU anymore. She wanted to be done. She wanted to walk away. She couldn't though no matter how hard she tried. She just couldn't walk away from the victims. They needed her more than she did and now work was the only thing she had. "It was a lot more than that."

"Like what?"

Olivia looked up at him now and she could tell that he was just concerned. It wasn't really a secret... she just didn't want him using it against her at a later time. "I felt like I couldn't do my job anymore," she started, "And I had a broken heart. I was alone, El. I didn't have anybody. I just needed someone that I could talk to who wouldn't judge me."

"I'm not judging you."

"You weren't there at the time," she said, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

He nodded slowly, "Are we dating?"

Olivia gave him a look of wonder, "What?"

"Are we dating?" he repeated.

"I... uh... we could be."

"If we were," he said pushing himself off the edge with his hands, "I could kiss you anytime I wanted."

Olivia didn't say anything. She watched as Elliot waddled through the water and was suddenly standing just inches away from her. She was bracing herself for the moment. What came though, shocked her. It wasn't a kiss. He had hugged her. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tightly, never wanting to let her go.

"El," she whispered as she lay her head down on his shoulder, "What's this for?"

"For not being there," he said honestly, "I'm sorry."


	10. Chapter 10

**Because you guys are so amazing... I worked quickly to type this chapter! I hope there are minor spelling mistakes!**

"So," Elliot said pulling away and following Olivia to the same edge of the pool, "You had a dog?"

Olivia smirked and nodded, "Yeah."

"What kind of dog?"

Olivia laughed, she was about to sound ridiculous. "Yorkie Poo."

"You had a Yorkie Poo?!"

"Yes!" Olivia laughed.

"What was her name?"

"Sprinkles," Olivia mumbled as the smile slowly faded.

"What happened to Sprinkles?"

"I came home one day to a little gift left in bed," Olivia sighed, "So I had to get rid of her. I gave her to a little girl who really wanted a dog."

"That was nice of you," Elliot said, "That you gave her the dog."

"I miss her," Olivia admitted, "She kept me company. When I would finally go to bed for the night she would always hop up on the bed behind me and curl up behind my knees. I didn't feel so lonely."

"Liv," Elliot whispered into Olivia's ear, "You don't ever have to be lonely again. I am never going to leave you. Okay?"

"Okay," Olivia said and it was pretty obvious that she was crying.

Elliot looked over to her and pulled her in for another hug. "It's okay," he kept telling her, "Let it out. It's okay."

They had stayed in the hot tub for a little while longer but when their skin started to shrivel up and begin to look like prunes they got out. Now they were both cuddled up on the couch watching a TV movie. Elliot had his arm around Olivia's waist and she rested her head against his shoulder while his feet were rested on the coffee table and hers were curled up to the side of her. She didn't want to move because laying there with him made her feel something she hadn't felt before. She felt... safe. She felt... normal. For the time being she forgot all about how awful the world could be and all of the images that were stuck in her head faded away to black.

"Can I ask you something?" Olivia asked when the movie went to commercial.

"Anything."

"Do you remember the night... on your porch... we were drinking coffee and then we went out to eat?"

"Yeah," Elliot said, "What about it?"

"When we were sitting there at the cafe," she began, "I realized that I loved you..."

Elliot swallowed hardly, "I... I loved you too."

"I didn't want to believe myself," Olivia said, "I didn't want to fall in love with a married man but, I couldn't help myself... I felt guilty."

"Liv, you don't have anything to feel guilty for. We never did anything."

Olivia sighed, "I know..."

"You and I haven't really been out on an official date," Elliot said smiling, just before the movie came back onto the television. "What do you say we have one? Tonight?"

"Okay..." Olivia said wearily, "Where are we going to go?"

"Let me handle that," he said, "You don't worry about a thing." He got up off the couch after that and went into his bedroom to shut the door. So far they were sleeping in separate bedrooms but Elliot hoped to soon change that. He began searching around for something he knew he had shoved in the closet somewhere. He was throwing clothes off their hangers and throwing blankets out of his room trying to find what he was looking for.

Olivia remained in the living room on the couch as curious as ever to what Elliot could be doing. She trusted them though so, she just went back to watching the movie. Her mind kept filling with thoughts about going on a date... she was nervous. She had gone on a date in a long time. She never wanted to because she was always waiting for Elliot to come around. Was it crazy that she was nervous? Or was it a natural feeling? She thought about what Elliot could possibly have in mind for them. A romantic dinner? With roses and candle light and ridiculously priced dishes that were no bigger than the palm of your hand. She smiled without realizing it and it wasn't until Elliot was staring at her from the hallway that she snapped out of it.

"Oh no," he said seriously, "You were thinking again weren't you?"

Olivia laughed and chucked a couch pillow at him, "Ha! Very funny!"

"Seriously," he said picking the pillow up and making his way to the kitchen to grab a drink, "What were you thinking about?"

She shrugged, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Elliot just looked at her and took a sip of his fresh coke, "Sure."

"So how long do I have to get ready for this date?"

"Uh," he looked down at his watch and saw that it was three in the afternoon and it had to be a little before sunset for them to go out.

"About two hours."

"Two hours?! I better get ready then." She hopped up off the couch again and made her way into her room this time. She got out all of the make-up she brought her that was stored away in a drawer and set it on top of the dresser which had a mirror. Then she moved to her Duffel bag that was still unpacked and just thrown into the bottom of the closet. She unzipped the gray fabric and rummaged around until she found her curling iron. This was the perfect occasion to curl her hair for. She set the curling iron along with the make up and then moved to look for an outfit. She felt like a teenager all over again.


	11. Chapter 11

She had just finished touching up her eye-liner and applying blush when there was a soft tap on her bedroom door. She didn't want Elliot to see her yet because she hadn't changed into her dress. She wanted it to be a surprise.

"Yes?" she asked still standing in front of the mirror.

"I just thought I should let you know," Elliot began, "You probably don't want to wear heels."

"No heels? Why?" Being told that she shouldn't wear heels would mean she would have to change her whole outfit choice. She didn't have time to change her whole outfit and she suddenly felt panicked.

"It's going to be very hard to walk in them," he answered, "You might fall."

"Well, if I can't wear heels then I have to change my outfit! I don't have time to change my outfit!"

"Whoa, hey," he said kindly, "Slow down. We have all night."

"You said to be ready in two hours," she reminded him.

"Well," he said not wanting to give their plans away, "We don't exactly have a certain time. Just... take your time. Do what you need to do and I'll be waiting patiently."

"Okay..." she said reluctantly. She heard the sound of footsteps dissipate down the hallway and she knew Elliot had went back into the front room to wait on her. She didn't know what he had planned up his sleeve but she was ready for it. She wanted this night to be perfect.

After spending another twenty minutes finding something else to wear and picking out new shoes, she finally peered into the living room. "I'm ready."

"Wow," Elliot said in a whisper, "Liv, you look great."

"Thanks," she blushed. She had just thrown on a yellow dress that went down just above her ankles and a pair of silver gladiator type sandles. She had never worn any of the items before but now seemed like the perfect time.

"Are you ready to head out?"

"I'm ready," she said reaching out to hold the hand Elliot offered her.

She followed him out into the warm air and the orange cast that radiated from the already setting sun. The scene outside looked so surreal and beautiful. She followed him into the still heated sand and walked funny as the tiny grains of sand slipped into her sandles.

"Where are we going?" she asked out of curiosity.

Elliot pointed to a boat that was sitting just on the coast line with a captain already waiting.

"El... what's this?"

He grinned as he watched the look on her face turn from happy to completely shocked. He knew he had picked just the right thing.

"Your dinner awaits," Elliot said as squeezed her hand a little tighter and helped her climb into the boat.

There was a small area in the back of the boat away from the captain that had a table set up with a red table cloth and two candles flickering in the middle. There was a brown wicker basket between the candles and Elliot hoped that Olivia was up for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

"This is so beautiful," Olivia whispered as she sat down, "El, this is great."

He smiled and took a seat across from her after signaling to the captain to go ahead and pull the boat out into the water.

"I can't believe you did all of this," she said again.

"I figured it would be a good time," he said opening the basket and pulling out a bottle of champagne.

Olivia smiled that mesmerizing smile that Elliot couldn't help but stare at. The way her eyes sparkled with candle light and the way her hair blew with the breeze.

"You're beautiful."

Olivia's cheeks turned three shades of pink, "Thanks. You're beautiful too."

Elliot chuckled as he continued to pull things out of the basket. He had settled on wearing a nice pair of jeans a button up blue shirt. He thought he did an okay job of picking out an outfit but he knew he was no fashionista.

"I wasn't sure what to bring to eat," Elliot said quietly, "So I brought peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." He held up the bags that contained the food and Olivia just laughed at him. "What?" he asked innocently.

"They're in the shape of hearts."

"It fits the occasion," he shrugged. He handed her one of the bags and sat the other one down in front of his self. Then he pulled out two champagne glasses and did the same thing.

They ate their food in silence, making the dinner awkward. Olivia wasn't really sure what to say and neither was Elliot so, they just enjoyed the ride.

The sun was fully disappeared now and the moon hung high in the sky, casting down a faint light that seemed to just radiate off of Olivia's perfect olive skin.

"You want to go stand on the back and watch the waves?" Elliot asked.

"Okay."

She followed him to the back of the boat where there was a small place to stand and they could peer out at the waves that followed behind the,. It really was a gorgeous sight. Elliot stood slightly behind Olivia and he just stared at her. He wanted to move closer but, he didn't want to take things too fast. He didn't know where the two of them stood yet relationship was and he wish he did.

"So... you aren't mad at me anymore?"

Olivia turned around and gave him a thin smile. She shrugged, "I can't change the fact that you left,"she whispered, "Neither can you."  
"I came back," he said staring into her eyes.

"You did," she said, "And..."

"Liv," he said scooting closer to her, "I love you. I came back because for once in my life I needed to do the right thing. I needed to do what was best. That was going back to Manhattan to capture your heart and if I haven't done that yet... I'm not giving up. Not ever. When I left I realized I couldn't live without you."

"You really hurt me," she whispered, tears evident in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said for the millionth time.

Olivia just nodded and what she did next surprised the both of them. She practically threw herself into Elliot's arms and buried her head into his chest. "Don't ever do it again."

"I won't," he whispered squeezing her tightly, "I won't."


	12. Chapter 12

The boat had finally reached the shore and Elliot took Olivia's hand in his and helped her jump down. He wasn't ready for the night to end yet so he took Olivia to a quiet spot on the beach and he laid out a thin blanket. He patted the empty spot next to him and Olivia sat down, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"This has been a great time," Olivia said.

"It has."

The waves slowly collided with the sand causing background noise to the otherwise quiet night. The seagulls had already disappeared to their nests and were sleeping soundly. There weren't many people in sight on the beach. Elliot and Olivia had the place pretty much to themselves.

"Can I kiss you?"

Elliot didn't mean to say it out loud. He thought it was just a thought that only he could hear. The look he got from Olivia told him otherwise. "El... I don't... want to take things to fast."

"Liv, this isn't too fast. I have waited several years for this... I know you have too. It's just a kiss."

Olivia looked to him with fear in her eyes. Just a kiss. Just a kiss never meant just a kiss. If she kissed him she would want to go further and she wasn't ready for that. She had forgiven Elliot but, she was still hurt by him.

"El-" before she could finish speaking Elliot's lips crashed onto hers just like the waves crashing onto the sand of the shores.

When he pulled away Olivia couldn't manage to break the stare they held. Her eyes bore into his and neither of them dared to move. Elliot's hand was still on Olivia's cheek and he could feel her temperature rise. He was preparing himself for her lashing out. Instead... he got something completely different. She moved her hands to rest them on his chest and she grabbed a fistful of his shirt into her hands. "I love you so much that I hate you," she whispered, "This night... it's been one of the best nights of my life."

Elliot could see that her eyes were watering by the way the light from the moon shined down on her. He thought she was going to smack him or get up and walk away but, she didn't. "I love you," she repeated before moving in closer and repaying the gift of a soft kiss. She slipped in her tongue this time and Elliot didn't try to stop her. He had been ready for this moment for a long time.

"Let's go back to the house," Olivia said when she reluctantly pulled away. We'll have a lot more privacy."

Elliot was feeling giddy now so he stood up and scooped Olivia into his arms, forgetting about the picnic basket and blanket, and headed back to the beach house. They were barely in the door when Elliot couldn't wait any longer to get her clothes off. He reached for the bottom of dress and lifted it up over her head, tossing it somewhere in the living room. He went back to kissing her as they moved down the hallway and into his bedroom, throwing both of them down on the bed. Olivia took one look into his eyes and she knew she was ready. She wanted this. She reached her hands under his shirt and rested her palms against his chest. She loved feeling his masculinity and soon it would all be exposed to her. She slowly worked to undo the buttons on his shirt.

This was the night that would change everything.

The sun shined through the curtains bringing a new found warmth to the room. It cascaded over Olivia's naked body and she stretched, slowly fluttering her eyes open. She smiled when she turned her head to see Elliot lying right next to her with his head propped up on his hand; staring at her.

"Hey," he smiled, "How did you sleep?"

She smiled even bigger, "I slept just fine. How about you?"

"I didn't sleep. I couldn't help but watch you."

"That's a bit creepy, El," she teased.

"So arrest me."

Talking about arresting made Olivia think back to the little kid who had entered the precinct right before she was about to walk out. She wondered how he was doing and if they had made god progress on his case.

"What?" he asked seeing that she was thinking about something. "What's wrong?"

"Josh," she sighed, "I was just thinking about if they found his family."

Elliot reached over to the bedside table and handed her her cell phone; knowing she would want to call and find out. "I'll make us something to eat," he said giving her a quick peck on the cheek before getting up and leaving the room.

Olivia dialed Cragen's number and waited for an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Olivia said, glad to hear her captain's voice, "How's everything going."

"Typical," he said, "How's your vacation?"

"It's great," she said honestly, "I'm really having a good time. I called to ask if you had found Josh's family yet?"

There was a moment of silence from Cragen's end of the line and Olivia knew that it wasn't good. He sighed and finally responded, "Honey otherwise known as Stacy Brooks somehow found out where Josh was staying. She went to the foster home and... nobody made it out."

"He's dead?" Olivia asked with a tear already escaping down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, Liv."

She nodded although Cragen couldn't see. Her chin trembled as she tried to keep her composure. "I got to go..." she said, "I'll talk to you later." Before Cragen could say anything she hung up and tossed the phone to the floor.

Guilt had over taken her body. If she would have stayed in Manhattan then Josh might still be alive. She promised herself she would never walk away from a victim but, she had and now... More tears were making their way down her face.

"Hey, we don't have any more pancake batter so I have to run to the-" he stopped when he reached the bedroom and saw that Olivia was crying.

"Liv? What's wrong? What happened?" He made his way to the bed and sat down next her, wiping the tears away.

"He's dead," she sobbed.

Elliot sighed and wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her close. She rested her head into his chest and wept. Elliot knew she would blame herself. Then she would blame him because he made her come to Florida. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself without his help.

"I'm sorry," he said as he rubbed her back, "I'm so sorry."

"This is all my fault," she cried, "I never should have left him."

"Liv," Elliot said gently, pulling her body away so he could look into her eyes, "You couldn't have done anything different."

Olivia sighed angrily, "I could have tried!"

He sighed again and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. He shook his head slowly, thinking of what to say next. "Olivia, you try so hard to help other people. They always come first in your book. In mine, the first person is you. I wanted you to come out here because I knew you needed the break. I knew you loved me almost as much as I love you. You can't save everyone."

"You're wrong, El," she said wiping away her tears, "I love you more than you know."

Elliot gave her a sad smile and pulled him close to him again. He kissed her on top of her head and whispered that he loved her in her ear. "Why don't you get washed up and we can go out for breakfast?"

She nodded, liking the idea. "Thanks."

"You don't have anything to thank me for," he said, "I was just being honest."


	13. Chapter 13

As the minutes went on, Olivia couldn't help but think about Josh. She kept getting these horrible images in her head of how he could have died. He was probably terrified and she was still blaming herself. If she had stayed... If she hadn't walked away just like Elliot... she was becoming angry now and it was evident by the scowl on her face.

"You okay?" Elliot asked as he paused from eating his breakfast.

Olivia looked up at him, her eyes angry daggers. "I shouldn't have left Manhattan," she said. "I shouldn't have came here." She stood up from the table and began angrily walking away.

"Liv!" Elliot said chasing after her. He grabbed her arm to stop her but she jerked away.

"Do NOT touch me!" She turned around again and began walking down the sidewalk, following the path that brought them there.

Elliot sighed and ran a hand down his face. Just when he thought things were going good... He would give her time to walk back to the house and then he would head back too. He would ask her if she was okay and hopefully she would have cooled down enough not to yell.

As Olivia walked back to the house she made sure to take her time, letting the warm rays from the sun soak through her skin. She was cursing herself for being mad at Elliot and cursing herself for ever leaving Manhattan. SVU was everything to her and she abandoned it when a child needed her most. A child who was now dead... A lone tear escaped down her face as she pictured his innocent little face when she had first interviewed him. She angrily swatted at it as she made her way to the stairs of Elliot's beach house. She sat down on the top step and placed her head in her hands. She was going to give herself a moment to cry.

"Liv..."

Olivia didn't have to look up to know that Elliot was standing in front of her. She didn't know how long he had been there but he had already seen her crying.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to leave SVU," Olivia whispered through her tears, "I'm going to have to die on the job because... because I can't..."

"It's okay," Elliot soothed as he sat down on the step next to her. "I know where your heart lies, Olivia. Hopefully, one day, you will be able to walk away from it and realize that you deserve a break. You deserve a happy ending away from all of the horrendous things you've seen. Other people can take over."

"What will I do without the job?"

"Stay at home," Elliot said simply, "sleep in. Stock your kitchen full of food. Travel. Hopefully, you can do all of those things with me."

Olivia looked up at him with her glossy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"Sooner or later you have to learn to let it go..." Elliot whispered.

Olivia didn't know what to say. She turned her gaze back down to the steps in front of her as thoughts made their way in and out of her head. Leaving the job didn't mean leaving the people she had grown to love behind... it just meant leaving the place. She could still keep in touch with all of her friends. She didn't have to leave like Elliot did. That way she wouldn't be hurting anybody. She sighed and that's when Elliot took her hand and helped her into the house.

"When you left... I thought about quitting on several occasions," Olivia began to explain as she plopped down onto the couch. "I just didn't think I could do it anymore..."

Elliot was going to remain quiet and just let her talk. He knew she needed it.

"Then we got a call and Fin was going to ask me but, I was upset so he asked the new girl. Amanda. I knew then that someone out there needed me and I gave myself five minutes and I forced myself to get over it. But I wasn't over it, El. I wasn't over it because the man I loved left. Without saying goodbye. Without saying anything. I thought I would give you time and surely you would return my calls or texts but, nothing. Nothing at all." She took a moment to wipe her eyes again. "What would you do if it had been the other way around?"  
Elliot thought about it for a moment and he honestly didn't have an answer. He would be lost. He would be angry. Chances are he would have taken it out on everybody at the precinct. "I would be angry."

"So you can't exactly blame me for being mad," Olivia said.

"I don't," he replied honestly, "I don't blame you for anything. None of this is your fault. I want the past to be the past, Liv. I just want the two of us, together, to be happy."

Olivia was silent for a moment and then a small grin appeared on her face. She looked up to Elliot who was sitting on the opposite end of the couch. "You could start by pouring me a drink," she said seriously, "I really need one."

**Just a small chapter to get back into the updating of this story...**


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